From wardrobe malfunctions and empty swimming pools to naked Cape Road runs and mistaken slippers, the Whose Line PE crew clearly have no shortage of stories they’d rather forget — but cast members Roland Gaspar, Francois Scholtz, Tom Swartz, Tarryn Light, and Fiks Mahola admit that life's most mortifying moments often make for the best comedy.
ROLAND GASPAR
Q: What's the most bogus rumour you've ever heard about yourself?
A: Being told by someone they were shocked to see me after hearing of my untimely demise.
Q: Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction?
A: While performing in a musical theatre run in the late '90s, I had several quick costume changes. During one song I noticed the audience laughing and pointing more than usual.
I thought I’d given a particularly entertaining performance, but when I was off stage afterward, I noticed the buttons of my button-up fly were undone. Suffice to say I had really “opened up” to the crowd that day.
Q: What has been a career highlight?
A: In 2008, I played the title role in a short film for the M-Net Edit series, named Andre Metstrepie. At the end of the year when the Edit series awards happened — that night Andre Metstrepie won several awards, including Best Actor.
However, since it was about a guy losing his mind out of frustration at home affairs, I was conflicted — many of us give award-winning versions of that performance quite regularly.
Q: Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that had a significant impact on your personal or professional journey.
A: In the mid '90s, I was trying to pursue music and songwriting. I entered a talent show with an original song, but as I walked out on stage, the CD jammed and the sound techs were struggling to get it to work.
Noticing them struggling furiously backstage I decided to tell a few jokes to keep the audience busy. Eventually they sorted it out and I was able to sing my song. Afterwards, the organisers asked me to come back, but to tell jokes and leave the singing to the other contestants. Little did I know that was the start to decades as a stand-up comedian.
Q: Have you ever fallen for a prank on April Fool's Day?
A: No, but there was one time I received an official cease-and-desist letter from Speedo for announcing the Whose Line PE crew would be performing in budgie smugglers on April Fool’s Day. It was probably the picture of some rather portly fellows wearing miniature Speedos I photoshopped our heads onto that tipped the scales.
FRANCOIS SCHOLTZ
Q: Has your own body ever betrayed you at the worst possible time?
A: I was in the dog food aisle at a grocery store when I felt it safe to let go of my human gas. Mid-express I was greeted by a person who saw me perform at a show a few nights before and came to say hi. She got more than expected.
Q: What's the career highlight you're most proud of?
A: I was nominated for a SA Music Award in 2001 for Best Rap Album and won the one joke challenge as a brand new comedian at the Coca-Cola Comedy Collective in 2015.
Q: What or where is your happy place?
A: I love cooking, be it for the family or myself. So the kitchen would be that place for me. A close second would be the stage.
Q: Have you ever tried to impress someone and ended up humiliating yourself instead?
A: I once emceed a wedding where the bride's name was Marie. I pronounced her name incorrectly all night — even after the crowd tried correcting me — thinking I was making a joke. Turns out I'd been calling her by the same pronunciation as the groom's ex-wife.
Q: What is the most embarrassing way you've ever injured yourself?
A: After a four-day festival we had a little "we survived" celebration at the guesthouse. I got a bit overexcited, sprinted towards the pool and dived in ... only the pool was empty. Turns out concrete doesn't splash. I broke a few bones and my dignity.
Q: What is a cherished family tradition of yours?
A: Every Christmas, if there's a present for you under the tree, you have to perform something before you can open it. Sing, dance, tell a joke, read a Bible verse ... it doesn't matter. My gran was over 90 and still had to perform. I'll definitely keep that tradition alive.
Q: What is your biggest irrational fear?
A: Those incredibly realistic baby dolls. They give me the creeps.
Q: Have you ever given someone a fake phone number?
A: My dad and I have the same name, so I'd give girls in clubs my dad's number. The next day he'd complain about random drunk women phoning him.
TOM SWARTZ
Q: Biggest risk you have taken?
A: Answering back to my wife!
Q: Have you ever had an experience you would describe as an adventure?
A: Winning Survivor SA and my work with anti-poaching.
Q: Have you ever accepted a dare that went further than you expected?
A: Oh yes, I lost a bet and had to run down Cape Road naked.
Q: Have you ever confidently walked into the wrong place (meeting, event, bathroom, wedding) and only realised once it was too late?
A: Yes, a wedding on a marina cruise boat. Had the best night ever, got so drunk that I did a toast to the bride and groom.
Q: What's the most dramatic reaction you've had to something that turned out to be completely harmless?
A: I once killed a huge rat with a broom stick only to find out once I switched the lights on that it was my slipper.
Q: What's been your worst misunderstanding?
A: Working in Butterworth at age 19 I was asked to install a phone in a rural area. On arrival, I saw a huge tent with loads of people. I was told the customer I was looking for was late, so I asked what time he would arrive. They then informed me that he had passed. Thinking that he had passed an exam or degree I gave my congratulations and asked again when he would arrive. I eventually go the message and felt so bad I cried.
Q: Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction?
A: Danced at a ladies night and spontaneously decided to wear a thong that was way too small for me — nuts were hanging out the sides the entire dance. I had no idea.
Q: Have you ever committed to wearing something wildly impractical?
A: Promoting a Fun-O-Drama in fishnet stockings. Six hours later I took the fishnets off only to find the sunburn created the perfect red and white replacement.
Q: What's the strangest way someone has recognised you or thought they knew you?
A: I was mistaken for Triple H, of WWE Wrestling fame.
TARRYN LIGHT
Q: Have you ever decided "what's the worst that could happen?" and then found out, in detail?
A: Oh yes ... in great detail! The joys of having ADHD mean I'm naturally impulsive, and then my autism is the one that has to deal with the consequences.
A recent example was deciding to do a tequila challenge to raise money for the National Arts Festival. It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, right up until I was doing shots live on Instagram. We raised money, everyone had a laugh, and I discovered the next morning exactly what the worst that could happen was — a spectacular headache!
Q: Has your own body ever betrayed you at the worst possible time?
A: I burped while singing and unfortunately it happened into a microphone in front of about 500 people. There is absolutely no elegant recovery from that — you just have to keep singing.
Q: What makes you who you are?
A: Curiosity, resilience, and probably a little bit of controlled chaos. I've learnt that life rarely goes according to plan, but some of the best opportunities happen because of unexpected detours. Being neurodivergent has taught me to embrace thinking differently, and I genuinely believe that's made me a better performer, producer, teacher, and person.
Q: What advice would you give your younger self?
A: Stop worrying so much about fitting in. The things that make you feel different now will eventually become your greatest strengths.
FIKS MAHOLA
Q: Has anything unusual happened after having a drink too many?
A: We had umqombothi at home after my dad died. I'm not a drinker, so I had two swigs of the calabash. After 15 minutes I could feel that I was speaking louder than usual. I went to lie down. Apparently I was man-down, unconscious, for the next five hours. I’m not sure my family has ever forgiven me.
Q: What was your worst travel experience?
A: Having my Afrikaner refugee visa denied.
Q: Are you related to anyone famous?
A: Zolani Mahola, original lead singer of Freshlyground, is somebody who I share a set of parents with.
Q: Has your life been different than what you'd imagined?
Q: I spent my entire childhood and adolescence believing I would become a Roman Catholic priest. After just one year in a monastery, it was clear the joke was on me.
Q: What is your biggest irrational fear?
A: Heights. I am not anywhere near as tall as Francois, so I would like to believe that my fear is irrational.
- Catch Whose Line PE improv comedy at Centrestage at Baywest at 2pm on Sunday. Tickets cost R150 through Quicket or Wendy, on 083-225-5401.
- Centrestage and The Herald are giving away 10 sets of double tickets to 10 lucky readers. To enter, message 082-371-1079 with subject "Whose Line".
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