Career and family are important parts of life. There is no either, or.
However, many working couples struggle to find the right balance between the two. And the current economic situation along with high unemployment rate in our country, cause many couples to elevate work above family.
Modern romance often means no-one is home to make dinner — or if someone’s at home, they’re suffering loneliness, abandonment and neglect from the one that’s at work. Quality time can be hard to find.
This struggle can cause frustration within marriages, especially because it is difficult to strike good balance between career and marriage.
The biggest mistake a couple can make is to sit back and wait for things to work themselves out. When you do this, the marriage is most likely to suffer. Even worse, most people don’t realise they aren’t paying enough attention to their marriages until they begin to fall apart.
But you mean well, right?
Of course you do. Your mind is always occupied by financially securing your family’s future and providing for them now. And that’s no less important than actually paying attention to them, strengthening relationships with them, and ensuring that you’re present in their lives.
But that you mean well and have the best interest of your family at heart by devoting most of your time at work than your family isn’t the same as actually devoting quality time to them.
As one young husband blurted out to his wife in his own defence, “But honey, you know my heart!” And he was right. She knew his heart. But it wasn’t his heart that had left her feeling left out from his life. It was the busy schedule of his job, and his inability to make her feel prioritised.
Good intentions don’t accomplish anything. If someone runs over you with their car, but their intention was to swerve and miss you, you still have to go to the hospital. Upon hearing of their good intentions, your bones won’t suddenly heal. You’ll be just as injured as before.
Does your spouse feel prioritised?
Your spouse, more than anything else, wants to feel like they are your priority. “But they are my priority,” you might argue. That may well be true, but that’s not the point we’re making.
They want to feel like they’re your priority. It’s not enough for them to be your priority if they don’t feel like they actually are.
One husband we were recently coaching on this very subject kept assuring us of how much he loved his wife and kids. We interrupted him and said, “The problem is, you love your family in your heart. But you don’t love them in your schedule. And they can’t see your heart.”
Are your life goals clearly communicated to your spouse?
Building your career would be an awesome experience with your spouse’s support. But you have to journey with them to earn that support. Take them to your confidence. Engage one another and agree on the lifestyle you wish to live, the kind of future you want, and what it will take to get there. Lead your spouse, don’t just walk ahead of them.
Where do your priorities lie?
Your marriage is the most important commitment above any and every other one you have — even above your children. They come second in the list. When you have that perspective, it’ll make life a whole lot easy for you. You’ll enjoy more prosperity at work, even with your job performance, when you’ve learnt to make your spouse feel like the best thing since the slice of bread. But woe be unto you if you make your spouse feel neglected, lonely and abandoned.
The battle lines on striking this balance are drawn along time. Our priorities are tested by what we put on our diaries. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your priorities lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives most your time.
Are there bridges you need to burn? Are there accounts you need to hand off? Are there some out-of-town meetings that need to be handled on the phone or online? Is there an offer you need to refuse? A promotion you need to relinquish? Yes, your marriage is that much important. But once you’ve made up your mind, it will become all too clear what stands in the way of your being able to focus on your commitment to reprioritize.
Do you have boundaries at work? Is one of them leaving the office every day at 5pm, regardless? Does it mean never missing one of your children’s performances or games? How do priorities look like in your world?
What’s really important in your life?
Let’s face it. One day you will come home from the office for the last time. Nobody retires from his or her family to spend his or her final days in the office. Your last day may be at 60 or 65 when you retire. Or it could be at 47 when you are retrenched. Either way, you are coming home. The kind of person you come home to will be determined by how you choose to treat them between now and then.
Many people cheat their spouses and children of giving them enough of their personal time, only to find that the companies they worked for, were not nearly as faithful to them as they were to the company.
Loyalty in the workplace is conditional, and is rarely reciprocated to the same degree. One of the saddest sights to witness is when someone is forced out of an organisation they bled for, to return home to a spouse and children they neglected.
Why give your ultimate loyalty to an organisation where your value is conditioned upon your ability to perform? Why betray your family, whose loyalty is unconditional? Why devote so much of yourself to something you know you will leave? And why give so little time to someone you will eventually come home to? It doesn’t make any sense, does it?
In this life we pay for things we value. And regarding family life, the question is not “Is it worth it?” but “Am I willing to pay?” Nobody gets to the end of their life wishing they had spent more time at the office.
HeraldLIVE